


sweet submission

by lara_mccann



Category: The Mortal Instruments - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, First Date, First Kiss, M/M, Top!Magnus, bottom!alec, but also some smut later on, but don't worry, fluffy goodness, i love alec so much, magnus will give him the love he deserves, malec is the ultimate otp, my poor darling, you are warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 05:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lara_mccann/pseuds/lara_mccann
Summary: alec lightwood has been hiding who he truly is for what seems like all of his life, out of fear of what the clave, his parents and above all, his siblings, will think of him if he tells them. he has kept his sexuality a secret all his life by exercising tight control over his emotions and dedicating himself to his work.but when the suave, handsome and confident magnus bane walks into his life in a flash of blue, suppressing what he feels suddenly becomes that much harder.will alec give into what he feels?can a warlock really be the one to destroy the walls alec has so carefully erected around his heart?((sorry about the shitty summary))





	1. admission

Alec had always known that what he felt for Jace was more than just brotherly affection. More than what he should feel for his parabatai, for another man.  
He couldn't admit to himself though. He often stood in front of the mirror, watching his throat convulse as he desperately tried to bring the words past his lips.  
It was as if saying it would make it more real. There was no taking it back. It couldn't be unsaid once he'd spoken the words.  
Every night, he forced himself in front of the mirror that quickly became a reflection of all his failures, of what he constantly could not speak aloud, for fear that it would destroy his dignity once and for all.  
But one fateful night, as the sky coaxed snowflakes from its depths and chased them down to earth, something changed.  
Alec stood in front of the mirror. He squeezed his eyes shut as he prepared himself for the well known torture he put himself through every night.  
But then, he heard himself say it.  
"I'm gay."  
His eyes opened in shock at his long awaited and yet unexpected admission. He parted his lips and watched them form the words.  
"I'm gay."  
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back as tears built behind his eyelids. Relief filled every corner of his aching heart. For once he wasn't worried about what his parents would think, what his siblings would think, what the clave would think.  
He had finally done something for himself, and although it was so very painful, it was a kind of pain he was happy to feel if it came with that feeling of finally, truly knowing who you really were.  
He let the tears fall, unabashed, safe in his knowledge of being undisturbed.  
He sobbed openly, brought his hands up to his head, tangled his pale fingers in his inky black hair. He laughed through his tears as he choked out the words once more.  
"I'm gay."  
It was, Alec mused, rather like having his parabatai rune ache. It was a pain that he was more than happy to experience, because it meant that Jace was alive, and hurting, and not dead.  
His admission to himself, in the empty, dark space of his room had been a release of emotion that brought with it more worries and problems.  
He could never let his parents know.  
Hell, he could never let anyone know.  
He would suppress this somehow.  
He had to.  
After all, Alec was always in control of his emotions.  
Being in control of just one more thing shouldn't be too hard.


	2. the high warlock of brooklyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> magnus fixes up shadowhunter mess, as usual. alec gets a little more than he bargained for.

If Alec had expected it to be easier for him to conceal his secret from everyone after he admitted it to himself, he was wrong. He felt like he had to check every word, every action. Everything he did was scrutinised by the clave, scanning and searching for any tiny imperfection, any discrepancy that they could use to discredit him and the Lightwood name.  
Still, for the moment, he was head of the New York Institute. And that meant protecting those in the city, mundane and nephilim alike.  
"Izzy, cover me," he called as he let loose an arrow into yet another shax demon. They seemed to be an endless horde, pouring into this realm from their own. He felt the presence of his sister before he saw her, black hair flying as she lashed out with her whip, catching a shax demon around the throat.  
Not for the first time, Alec wondered why he hadn't told his sister about him yet. He knew she wouldn't look at him any different. And yet, there was an insistent, nagging voice that cried in the back of his mind that she would be disgusted with him. He knew that was ridiculous, Isabelle was the most incredible person he knew, but he couldn't stop himself from worrying.  
He just couldn't afford to risk it.  
"I can see the rift!"  
Alec and Isabelle turned towards Jace's yell. They ran towards the source, but before they reached the rift, a blue light emitting from it blinded them both.  
Once he had blinked away the aftershock, Alec saw a figure standing in the middle of the blue light. In fact, it seemed to be coming from him, pouring from his bejewelled fingers like blood from a fresh wound.  
Alec watched in wonder as those long fingers twisted deftly this way and that, weaving a spell that alec couldn't hope to name.  
"Warlock," breathed Isabelle beside him.  
Alec nodded numbly, transfixed with the sight of the indistinguishable figure working his magic.  
With a final flick, he heard a ripping noise and saw the rift close.  
Alec knew how much energy it took to close a rift, and immediately realised just how powerful this warlock must be.  
The blue light faded away, and Alec approached the figure.  
Coming closer, Alec realised that the warlock in question was a man, and a very handsome one at that.  
"I don't believe we've met," said the warlock, smirking mischievously at him.  
"I'm Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn."  
All the air inside Alec's lungs escaped in the form of a barely audible gasp. This mans voice was like honey, smooth and oh so lovely.  
"I'm Alec Lightwood," he said quietly, smiling shyly at him.  
Jace cleared his throat behind him, reminding him none to gently that he had an audience. With a very noticeable blush Alec distanced himself from Magnus, happy to let Jace do the talking.  
Isabelle nudged him, a knowing smile on her face.  
"He's cute."  
Alec spluttered, panic lighting his veins like liquid fire, setting all of his thoughts into overdrive.  
sheknows.sheknows.shekno-  
"Relax, Alec, don't look so scared. I was joking!" he hears Isabelle exclaim, a faint tinge of worry in her amused tone.  
Alec forces his face into one of aggravated amusement.  
"Hilarious, Iz." he deadpans, trying and failing to calm down his frantically beating heart.  
Jace and Magnus approach them, and Alec's eyes drop to the floor automatically, avoiding even the possibility of looking into the warlocks eyes.  
After the usual formalities of bills and pricing are exchanged, the three turn to leave.  
A hand adorned with rings, placed on Alec's sleeve, compels him to linger as Jace and Isabelle make their way back to the Institute.  
"For a Shadowhunter, you're quite cute," states Magnus without preamble.  
Alec blushes furiously and curses his pale skin. He doesn't reply, instead letting his eyes wander over the expanse of a brown neck and sharp collarbone that just peeks out from a silk patterned shirt.  
"Like what you see, angel?" asks Magnus with a coy grin, exposing flawless white teeth.  
Alec smiles unsurely back at him, jerking back in surprise when he feels a hand on his shoulder.  
Magnus leans closer, so close that Alec can feel his hot breath on his cheek.  
He trembles in anticipation. For what, he doesn't even know.  
"Maybe give me a call sometime, blue eyes?" Magnus breathes into his ear, and Alec feels a slip of paper being pressed into his hand.  
His breath hitches as Magnus's hand brushes his neck as he turns to leave. Alec watches him go, fist clenched around the paper, an uncontrollable grin spread across his face.  
For once in his life, rule-abiding, obedient Alec Lightwood doesn't even think about the Clave and the consequences he would face if he were discovered.  
For once in his life, Alec is going to do something entirely selfish.  
He jogs after Jace and Izzy, smile still on his face and a blush still painting his cheeks.  
He's definitely gonna call that number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> f*ck the three day rule!!  
> reviews, bookmarks and kudos are appreciated :)


	3. only ever a phone call away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alec can barely bring himself to call the number magnus gave him, the old fears stirring in his chest. but when he does, he is rewarded for his selfish recklessness.

Alec stared blankly at his phone, the number Magnus had given him glaring up at him from the screen. All that was left to do was press the call button.  
But he couldn't do it.  
He didn't know why. He really did find Magnus attractive and wanted to get to know him better, but after years of suppressing his identity, lying and hiding from the people he loved most in the world, it felt wrong to be doing something like this. Something so reckless. It was unlike him.  
Well, the overwhelming fear of his own sexual orientation didn't just disappear overnight because a hot guy thought he was cute.  
He wished he wasn't this weak. He should be able to go through with this. The pathetic terror he felt made him ashamed.  
He leaned against the wall, loosely clutching the phone in his hand.  
In his head, he weighed out the possibilities of what could happen in conversation if he did gather up enough courage to call magnus.  
Maybe magnus would laugh, tell him it was a joke.  
Maybe he would tell the Clave, or worse, his parents, about him being gay.  
He couldn't risk it.  
But he also knew that if he didn't do this, if he threw away the piece of paper with magnus's number without even trying-  
Well, he would regret it for the rest of his life.  
Before he could change his mind again, he pressed the call button.  
His heart beat frantically in his chest as the dial tone sounded.  
He tried to formulate a good way to begin, and came up with empty hands. he had no experience in this area.  
His heart seemed to stop as he heard Magnus's voice on the other end.  
"Is this blue eyes?"  
"Uh, yeah, that's what- that's what you called me," Alec stuttered, cursing his awkwardness to the very depths of hell.  
"And may i know why you called, pretty boy?" said the voice, and Alec could imagine it coated and dropping in honey.  
"Um, I don't really- I don't really know? you said to call, so I, uh, so I did."  
then his brain caught up with what Magnus had just said.  
"Wait did you just call me pretty?"  
Magnus laughed, and it was rich and dark, reminding Alec of the finest chocolate.  
"Yes, I did. And I was hoping that you would call me so we could arrange something between the two of us. Say, drinks at my apartment?"  
Alec froze. He didn't know how to reply to this. Cringing at how unsure his voice sounded, he asked tentatively,  
"When were you thinking?"  
Alec could almost see Magnus's cheeky grin.  
"Well, if you're free, would you like to come over right now?"  
No matter how hard he fought, Alec felt an elated smile spreading across his face, which was pale and drawn from the anxiety of this phone call.  
"I'd love to," Alec exclaimed, wincing at the obvious excitement in his voice.  
Magnus told him his address, and Alec said he'd be there as soon as he could. After he ended the call he felt himself sigh loudly in relief and happiness. That had gone well, much better than he expected. Now, to look presentable for this date.  
Was it even a date?  
Oh god, Alec didn't even care.  
He just couldn't wait to see Magnus again.  
He didn't know why, but with Magnus, he felt safer than anywhere else in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my darlings about to go on their first date! i feel like a proud mother :)
> 
> reviews, bookmarks and kudos are appreciated :)


	4. first date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alec doesn't know what to expect from a first date. what he gets is far beyond the ordinary, and leaves him in no doubt about his feelings towards the charismatic warlock.

Alec stood outside the apartment bearing the address Magnus had given him, heart beating faster than he even believed possible.  
He still hadn't quite grasped that he was going on a date with Magnus Bane.  
He had no idea what to expect. Would Magnus hold his hand? Hug him? Maybe even kiss him?  
Hell, Alec didn't even know how to kiss!  
Alec didn't know what the proper etiquette was, but he'd remembered hearing somewhere that roses were appropriate, so he had gone and bought the prettiest bunch he could find. He hoped Magnus would like them.  
He took a moment to think about the fact that, no matter how easily and confidently he dispatched demons every single day, he still got hopelessly tongue tied and awkward around handsome boys. it was really quite ironic, he thought.  
Finally, after standing outside Magnus's apartment for a good quarter hour just pondering every single little thing that could go wrong, he gathered up all his courage and rang the bell bearing the name 'BANE.'  
The sultry voice that had starred in his dreams since he'd first heard it emerged from the small speaker.  
"Is that blue eyes?"  
An involuntary smile twitches at the corners of Alec's mouth at the pet name.  
"Yeah, it's me," he said quietly.  
"Oh good, come on up," he heard Magnus exclaim. A buzzing noise alerted him to the unlocking of the door, so he pushed it open and walked inside on trembling legs.  
He was breathing as heavily as he would be if he'd just run a marathon.  
His heart jack hammered in his chest.  
His palms were clammy with nerves.  
'Oh god, I can't do this, I'm gonna embarrass myself,' he panicked inside his head.  
He was seriously considering turning on his tail and running all the way back to the institute when Magnus opened the door to his apartment and grinned widely at him.  
And with that one smile, all of his worries faded into background noise.  
Feeling horribly awkward, he thrust the roses into Magnus's face.  
"I, uh, got you roses," he stammered, hating how unsure he sounded.  
But the smile and barely noticeable blush that tinted Magnus's brown skin was enough to let him know that it wasn't a mistake to bring them.  
"Come in."  
Alec stepped into Magnus's apartment, and felt his jaw drop.  
He'd never been the type to enthuse about home decor, but my god was this loft pretty. Tastefully patterned wallpaper, incredible artwork and wonderfully nostalgic furniture assembled in a cosy fashion gave the apartment a lovely ambience that Alec loved.  
Magnus was silently chuckling into himself at the starstruck look in Alec's eyes, but found himself unexpectedly speechless when Alec turned those blue eyes, filled with such awe at seeing something wholly beautiful, towards him, and said quietly, in that unassuming manner of his, "This apartment is just as breathtaking as its owner."  
It wasn't the most beautifully crafted, or even the most witty compliment Magnus had ever received, but it was one filled with such genuine adoration and wonder that it made his heart swell with affection in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time.  
"Thank you."  
Alec, seemingly taken by surprise by his sudden bout of confidence, had quickly turned his eyes to the floor, a very fetching blush painting his high cheekbones.  
Wordlessly, Magnus moved to fill two cocktail glasses, and handed one to a still silent Alec.  
When Alec finally looked up at him, Magnus raised his glass and said lowly, "To us."  
Alec echoed him with a small smile on his lips.  
They both drank, and Magnus couldn't stop himself from laughing at the wonderful way Alec scrunched up his face at the strong taste.  
The odd tension that had been filling the room previously vanished, and was instead filled with laughter.  
To Alec, the time passed too quickly.  
He and Magnus talked and drank until the sun dipped below the horizon.  
They watched it disappear from Magnus's window.  
"You know, I've always admired the sun," Alec said quietly.  
"And why is that, my dear?" asked Magnus, in a low voice.  
"Because even though it disappears every night, it rises in the morning as though it has never fallen before."  
Neither person wanted to break the strange, beautiful silence that settled over them once Alec had finished speaking.  
But, like all beautiful things, it had to come to an end.  
"I really should be getting back," Alec whispered.  
"Yeah." agreed Magnus.  
Neither made a move to walk towards the door.  
"I really can't stay." Alec said once more, and then he did move and he was turning away from Magnus and walking towards the door, and he wished he could stay just a little while longer, maybe even forever, and he was so scared of this feeling, but also comforted, because he believed that Magnus would not mock him for it, in fact, he might even empathise.  
"Wait."  
Alec stopped immediately, and suddenly became very aware of his too quickly beating heart and the thrumming rush of blood in his veins, and he was filled with a sense of exhilaration that he was here, he was alive, and he had never felt this before and it terrified him-  
A hand touched his arm, and he felt himself turned by a strong, safe grip.  
He looked into deep brown eyes, eyes that seemed to almost flicker in the fading light, turning from brown to yellow and back again. Alec found himself mesmerised.  
"Alexander..."  
The word was murmured against his parted lips, and he exhaled in a rush of warm air, and felt the space between them getting smaller, and his heart beat faster, and his eyes fluttered closed-  
And then they were connected and it felt like he hadn't been breathing all his life and now, finally, he was properly living and present and pressed up against Magnus's firm body, hot hands grasping onto his hips, pulling them closer, closer, ever closer, until he couldn't tell where he ended and Magnus began.  
His lips danced with Magnus's, they fit so perfectly, and Alec may have imagined his first kiss many times but he has never thought that it could be this earth shattering and beautiful and terrifying, all at once.  
He kissed Magnus like his lips were nicotine and he was a hopeless addict.  
When the burning in his lungs became too intense too ignore, he broke the kiss and opened his eyes, heavy breathing matching the quick rise and fall of Magnus's chest.  
He stared into his eyes, seeing that the chocolate brown had melted away into something entirely different, but no less beautiful, a colour like the explosion of a thousand stars, all at once, a glowing, intense yellow, with cat eye slits as black as ink.  
"You're revolutionary." he breathed, and he heard Magnus's breath catch, heard him murmur, "And you're a miracle," before their lips crashed together with a fevered hunger their first kiss had not contained.  
All the suppressed passion that Alec had built up over the years was tumbling out in a ferocious cocktail of emotions that made his heart race.  
He had never felt this way before.  
When they separated again, it was wordless. Because what words could describe the feeling they had just experienced?  
The feeling of finally finding the person you'd been unconsciously looking for you entire life.  
The feeling of finally having a purpose to keep on fighting and surviving in this tragic world.  
The feeling of finally being complete.  
"I'll call you."  
Alec smiled and said, "You'd better."  
As far as first dates went, he was pretty sure this one exceeded expectations considerably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first time i beat 1k words! god, that took a lot out of me to write. i really hope you guys liked it. please drop me a review or kudos if you enjoyed, i appreciate every comment :)


	5. coming out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alec decides that the time is right to tell the people he most trusts - jace and isabelle - about the secret he has been hiding from them all his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted this chapter early to try and get to 50 kudos for my birthday (25th August), so i hope you enjoy it!  
> i made it light, and im sorry that i barely mentioned magnus (he'll be in the next chapter, don't worry). love you all!!

Alec, emboldened by what had happened on his date with Magnus, and the wonderful connection they had shared had decided to tell Jace and Isabelle about him being gay.  
He felt, for the first time in his life, comfortable in enough with his sexuality to even consider telling another person. And he knew that if he was going to tell anyone, it would be his sister and his parabatai, the people he loved most in the world and would die for without a second thought, as they would do for him. Although he was dreadfully nervous, and just thinking about their reactions made him sweat profusely and his heart pound in his chest like it was trying to escape from the confines of his ribcage, he felt confident that they would not stop loving him, would recognise that he was still the same Alec as he was when they thought he was straight.   
Isabelle, he thought, probably already knew. She got this look in her eyes whenever Jace talked to Alec about girls and Alec desperately tried to remain inconspicuous by agreeing noncommittally with everything Jace said, no matter how fantastical.  
But Jace, he was pretty sure, was completely oblivious.  
When he said to them after their daily training session that he had something to tell them, Isabelle smiled reassuringly at him, and he knew that she knew and saw him no different, and wondered why he had ever thought that Isabelle, sweet, incredible Isabelle would ever judge him for something like this.  
Knowing he had her support, he turned to Jace and tried to express what he needed to say and not being able to make his throat form the words.  
Quickly he realised that saying it to his own reflection in the safety of his own room was very different to telling his parabatai, his platonic soulmate, something that could potentially destroy their relationship if Jace wasn't okay with it.  
Reminding himself that this was Jace, the Jace he had played with, trained with, comforted and been comforted by on countless occasions, he took a deep breath and finally said it.  
"Jace, I'm gay."  
The look on Jace's face was one of pure shock. When that expression didn't change, Alec began to panic, as he was prone to doing.  
Isabelle, noticing this, nudged Jace none too gently to prompt him to reply.  
"Jace. Jace, please say something," begged Alec, near tears.  
Jace finally, finally opened his mouth.  
"You're gay?"  
"Yes."  
"Oh."  
Alec's heart stuttered and died with pure terror.  
"Do you still love me?"  
This, at least, seemed to shock Jace out of his hazy incomprehension.  
"Of course, you idiot!"  
Isabelle chimed in, saying, "Nothing could make us stop loving you, Alec."  
And Alec sobbed, collapsing to the ground like a dying star falling in on itself.  
Jace and Isabelle both rushed to him, catching him in their arms as he crumpled to the ground, legs giving out from pure relief.  
Two of the most important people in his life knew, and they still loved him.  
He cried as Isabelle and Jace rocked him in their embrace and murmured soothing words to him.  
He felt like the heaviest burden, the burden he had been carrying all his life, struggling and breaking under them its weight was being lifted. The weight of his secret was shared, and the dreadful load of shame and guilt became that much lighter.  
Jace and Isabelle's love gave him the courage to continue, to keep on walking even though every step was agony.  
Their love gave him hope that once day the burden might lessen to the point that it would be gone entirely.  
There was no longer a crushing weight of anxiety sitting on his chest, constricting his oxygen and tearing away at his voice every time he dared speak aloud the truth about himself.  
He felt liberated.  
He was no longer ashamed of himself, no longer disgusted with this aspect of himself.  
The acceptance of his parabatai and sister had given him strength.  
His heart seemed to fill with so much love with them that he thought it must burst, and he almost hoped it would, because then they would be covered in his heart, and see that all the love in it was for them and for Magnus, and that he would never stop loving them and protecting them and taking care of them.  
He was their big brother, the one who usually looked out for them. But sometimes he needed them to lean on, and it was in those times that he realised just how much he was needed, and that feeling, that wonderful feeling of validation and appreciation that gave him what he needed to keep on going on the days that he thought he would never move again.  
He loved them more than life itself.  
He was so glad that the feeling seemed to be reciprocated.

**Author's Note:**

> updates every friday and sunday :)


End file.
